I don't get time.

Not only do I not get time (as in not have enough of it), but I also just don't get it. Minutes pass so slowly, hours pass by quickly. Days pass by slowly and weeks pass by insanely fast. I don't understand. How the heck does that work?Also, I made a schedule for myself listing the things in order to get things out of the way in a 'timely' fashion. And if I don't get things finished when I've scheduled them, I'll be screwed. Because there's no time. Why? Because I don't get time. I just wasn't on Time's gift-giving list.

(Universe bows and holds out silver platter) "Life, miss?"

Life isn't easy. No one ever said it was. On the other hand, I'm used to having things handed to me on a silver platter, as it were. And now that I have to do things for myself, life seems much harder than before. Time management is a biggie! There don't seem enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. Register for this; sign-up for that; call this person; e-mail that person; do homework for this, that, and the other class; take this test on your own time; practice for this performance; read, fix, write these short stories; make an appointment with this doctor for this thing; write a 6 page paper for this class; write a 7 page paper for that class. All that and still find time to breathe, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, shower, etc. There is no time left for ME. I don't mean to sound selfish, but aren't I important?! I didn't mean for this to sound so whiny. But, of course, that is how it turned out to be. I'm just not used to setting up my own things (such as appointments) and planning my life for myself. I'm used to having parents, etc., tell me "go here," "do this," "don't forget," "Give me your laundry," "eat this food that I have made for you," and so on. It is quite a different experience to plan my schedule for myself, to do laundry for myself, and to worry about getting food somehow if the dorm food is bad. I know I make it sound like life sucks, but I know there are people out there with horrible situations that would make my situation look like a heaven. That doesn't mean it's any easier.

Warning! Days in Calender Closer Than They Appear

Everything's happening so fast. Life is coming at me so fast. It's scary. There isn't enough time to do what needs to be done in the two years before the "real world" reaches me. So I look at things a day at a time. But that means that things get put off, forgotten, and there is no plan. There are so many things I need to do and not enough time in which to do them. I feel so lost. And I'm afraid. The years pass so quickly. I should still be a kid. I want to still be a kid sometimes. Other times I just want to let go and get it over with. Jump into the real world, right in the middle of the current. I am an incoming junior in college. It is too late this semester to start Teacher Certification. Next semester, I hope to (but have not done anything to work toward) Study Abroad. So that leaves Senior year. But teacher's cert. can't happen in one year. And we don't have the money for me to stay longer. We don't have the money for me to be going now. I've come this far, but I'm afraid and so I hang back. And yet Life is dragging me forward and I can't just stop.
Time is a funny thing. While it is happening it alternates between minutes going to slow and going to fast. But then you look back from where you're standing now and think "How did I get here? How did things progress so fast? Shouldn't I still be in Junior High?" Last year was one of the fastest ever and I fear that this one will be even faster. And I'm caught, being pulled along with it. Who knows where I'll end up. I only hope it will be in a place I want to be.