I was raised to accept people for who they are and be tolerant of other people's beliefs. I believe that just because someone is different from what society perceives as 'correct' or 'right' or 'good' does not mean that the person should be hated or feared or discriminated against. This is why the gender situation bothers me. I mean, people aren't simply black and white. There is a bunch of grey--colors of all shades, in fact--between black and white. How can a person be simply male or female? It doesn't makes since because of the traits and behaviors we assign to the words. Think about it: Men paint their nails or work as nurses and women fix cars and cut their hair short. Women can wear pants and no one even bats an eye. Why can't men wear dresses? It just a garment, after all. It doesn't have to mean that he is gay. And if it did, I still don't see a problem. How can there be just two words for gender when there are a wide range of behaviors that are considered gender specific? A man is afraid of spiders. Does this mean he is not manly? What if I told you he was a soldier, very muscular, and fit the word ‘man’ in every other respect. You would no doubt say that he was very manly. But if he paints his nails occasionally (or more often), cries when he has to say goodbye to his family or friends for a long period of time, and watches ‘chick flicks’ you would probably would not say he was manly at all. How about a woman with short hair? That is quite common. Sometimes it can be quite ‘feminine.’ But what if she shops for her clothes in the men’s department of stores? What if she’s strong and works on cars and doesn’t wear make-up? Most people would assume she was a lesbian or at least say she was unfeminine. But what if this short haired woman fits every other role for females? She loves children, is compassionate, wears ‘appropriate’ clothing. Gender isn’t as easy as it looks. So I was born female. What if I had decided that I wasn’t supposed to be female? What if I got a sex change? Now I’m a man, right? But I still am attracted to men. Am I gay? Or am I straight because of my chromosomes and how I spent the first half of my life with the body of a woman? Or what if I didn’t get a sex change? What if I had a woman’s body, but dressed like a man and dated men and said I was ‘male’ despite physical appearances? So now what am I? In any case, it is silly to discriminate because someone does not dress or act according to their gender roles. They can still participate in society, become good doctors or lawyers, raise children, teach math or science or English or art, become the greatest musician or writer, keep their house up to standard and pay their bills and taxes. Why is it such a problem that they are a man in a woman’s body (or vice versa), or a man who wears make up and cries at movies and sucks at sports but thinks of himself as a man and is attracted to women? It doesn’t matter. There is no point to discriminating because of gender. Yes, people don’t discriminate against a person because they are male or female. But when they find out that the person wasn’t always that gender, or identifies with a different gender? Some people are sickened. Others just uncomfortable. I admit it can be confusing. There is a woman at my church who was not always --physically-- a woman. I go to science fiction conventions where men dress as women. So when you see someone with breasts, a fitted pink top, painted nails, high heels, and long blond hair pulled back into a pony tale you think woman and say “she” or “her.” But then you hear this person speak. Her voice is low, definitely belonging to a man. Do you get confused and say “sir” instead of “ma’am”? I know I’ve been called “sir” when I had short hair and was wearing a bulky unisex winter coat. Difficult to tell. And the woman was very embarrassed when I spoke and apologized profusely. But it doesn’t matter. It wasn’t her fault. She was busy and had only glanced at me. She couldn’t tell. My mother still gets called “sir” because of her short hair. Big deal. So do you sir or ma’am the woman with a deep voice? He or she? Him or her? Well, in my opinion, she went to such great lengths to look like a woman and dress like a woman that we should respect her decision and use the feminine pronouns/honorifics. So you’re a bit confused. Big deal. No harm done. You’re safe, if only a bit flustered. So why is there such a problem with gender?
Or how about this. You are married with a baby on the way. You love your husband very much. He tells you he wants a sex change. Are you appalled? Or do you support you beloved? Will you stop loving him once he becomes a her? After all, you aren’t in love because you were attracted to his body. You love his personality. That will remain the same. And for the most part (as far as I know) he will look the same, just more feminine. Or what if your baby is born with both male and female gentiles? What should you do? Do you choose one? Or do you love and support your child and raise it even though it is a hermaphrodite? When it becomes a teenager and doesn’t know which gender it really is do you make it choose to be whichever it wants--but it has to pick one-- or do you let it be who it really is. Why can’t the child stay a hermaphrodite? Why does this disgust or scare people? Why must there be only two genders to pick from? Why can’t Scantron tests have more bubbles to fill besides M or F? Shouldn’t there be an N for neither or a B for both? Or an H for hermaphrodite? And are we talking about physical/genetic genders or something else? Perhaps mental genders. Then, though I am female, I could pick M if I chose. And which bathroom should the person use? Does it even matter? It is, after all, just a bathroom. Though at first I might be a little surprised if a man walked into the ladies room. I’m sure the guys would think the same thing if someone in a dress walked into the men’s room to use the urinal.
Personally, I was born female and identify as female and am bi-curious. I only say 'curious' because I've only had one relationship and that was with a guy, so how can I say I'm bisexual when I've never dated a girl? I don't think attraction is enough until acted upon. I've always said that I was bisexual before because I didn't know about this term. If I fell in love with a girl or a transgendered person, it wouldn’t make a difference. Until that happens, I’ll simply be bi-curious not bisexual because I love my boyfriend. But it was just chance that I fell in love with a man. And if he decided he wanted to be a woman, I would support and love him just the same. Love is love, after all.
So what’s the big deal about gender? So she’s a man. Whoop-dee-doo. So he wears women’s clothing. So that man acts like a woman. So she’s masculine in appearance. Maybe I should ‘correct’ people when they call me “ma’am” just to make a point. People shouldn’t change or suppress themselves on the basis of gender, just because society says so. So you don’t fit the gender roles and stereotypes. So what?! Toss them out the window. You shouldn’t have to fit them. They should fit you.
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