_La_Peau_de_chagrin by Honore de Balzac QUOTE

"Ici, l'on peut écrire soi-même."

(Here, one can write one's self.)

Life is like quiche.

(Universe bows and holds out silver platter) "Life, miss?"

Life isn't easy. No one ever said it was. On the other hand, I'm used to having things handed to me on a silver platter, as it were. And now that I have to do things for myself, life seems much harder than before. Time management is a biggie! There don't seem enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. Register for this; sign-up for that; call this person; e-mail that person; do homework for this, that, and the other class; take this test on your own time; practice for this performance; read, fix, write these short stories; make an appointment with this doctor for this thing; write a 6 page paper for this class; write a 7 page paper for that class. All that and still find time to breathe, eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, shower, etc. There is no time left for ME. I don't mean to sound selfish, but aren't I important?! I didn't mean for this to sound so whiny. But, of course, that is how it turned out to be. I'm just not used to setting up my own things (such as appointments) and planning my life for myself. I'm used to having parents, etc., tell me "go here," "do this," "don't forget," "Give me your laundry," "eat this food that I have made for you," and so on. It is quite a different experience to plan my schedule for myself, to do laundry for myself, and to worry about getting food somehow if the dorm food is bad. I know I make it sound like life sucks, but I know there are people out there with horrible situations that would make my situation look like a heaven. That doesn't mean it's any easier.

Pansexuality

I said in my ‘Gender’ entry that I was bi-curious. But I also said that it wouldn’t matter to me if my boyfriend had a sex change. Which would make him transgendered. Which would make me Pansexual. Except that it hasn’t happened. Which would make me Pan-curious. Has anyone coined the phrase yet? If not, then it should be added to the list.

Meople did a post on Coming Out. I think she has a point. No one should assume anything about a person's sexuality. Everyone should automatically believe one way or another concerning the sexuality of a person walking down the street. Perhaps this person likes women. Perhaps he/she likes men. Perhaps he/she only prefers people who have changed their genders. Until someone says otherwise, we should not assume that someone is straight or gay or bi or anything else.

And why should Pansexuality be a bad thing? Would you still love your partner if he or she decided to have a sex change? I would. Some people like both men and women, those who've changed their gender and those who haven't, those who cross dress, etc.

Why do people have issues with these kinds of things. I don't understand it. They say it isn't normal. Well, what's normal? As someone (don' t know who) once said: "Normal is just a cycle on the washing machine." Everyone has their little idiosyncrasies, their quirks, their strangenesses. And if someone says it's unnatural or that God doesn't want/like it? Well, what do they know? Have they every spoken personally with God? Did God ever say to them in the exact words "Pansexuality is wrong. It is bad. It is unnatural." I doubt it.

So there you have it. Hip Hip Hurray for Pansexuals.

Love. 2 (Length Warning!)

Certain questions have plagued humanity since the beginning. Questions such as:

What is God?

What happens when we die?

And What is Love?

No one could ever explain Love sufficiently enough for me. Until I myself experienced it, it was indescribable. I take that back. Even after I’ve experienced it is indescribable. Until I fell in love, I never believed it possible to die of a broken heart. Now that I have love, I assure you that I could not live without it. You may think I am exaggerating but let me assure you: Though I may not die upon the instant, I would waste away, fading into nothing.

Some may say that what I feel is not love. That no one who has never dated several people could know; they have nothing to which to compare their feelings. Well let me tell the infamous Every-one something. It is possible. It is love. I know it with every fiber of my being. It is Every-one who creates the doubts and plants them in my mind, niggling away at my thoughts, though never my heart. My emotions have been in a turmoil because Every-one knows that you can’t marry your first love; it isn’t really love. Every-one knows you don’t fall in love at 19. Well, Every-one knows a lot of things. I am sure Every-one is more wise than I. Because Every-one knows the world is flat. Every-one knows the Universe revolves around the Earth. Every-one knows the Earth doesn’t grow. And Every-one knows that anyone who has not experienced some minor heart-break could possibly know what Love is.

Some may say that Every-one is correct. Some may say that I have nothing to which to compare my feelings, but I do. I have had crushes. I have felt sexual attraction to other people besides Luke. It is true that I never dated anyone other than him. But I’m certain I know the difference between Infatuation and Love. Between Lust and Love. Between a crush and Love. Some may say that I can’t be in love because I have never before been heart broken. You are wrong. I have been heart broken, though it was my fault, though I was helped along with Every-one. I have been heart broken. I thought it had been plucked from my chest and smashed to smithereens on the floor. And then someone reached inside me and twisted all the other organs into a knot. But that knot could not fill the empty space I felt. I have never cried so much in my entire life. Not when any family member or friend or pet died. Not when I’d been hurt physically. Never. I had never felt so miserable in my entire life. I won’t go into details. I shall not even tell you what happened, though Luke knows what I’m talking about, I think. He was the one who held me while I cried.

So let me tell you, I know the answer to What is Love. Though I am a writer, I would be hard pressed to express it in words. I’ve written poems about it. They are mere shadows of the heart of the matter. No word, no picture could express my feelings. None. Love isn’t a big enough word to encompass all my emotions. Love isn’t big enough to contain the sentiments felt by my heart of my soul. Only someone else who has experienced Love could understand. I know what Love is. Do you? Does Every-one?

*

Afterthought:

Love. Support. Desire. Passion. Encouragement. Affection. Tenderness. Caring. Compassion. Warmth. Strength. Devotion. Value. Fondness. Friendship. Esteem. Respect. Trust. Doting. Loyalty. Regard. Attachment. Acceptance. Intertwining fates. Bound Destinies.

To me, Love isn’t big enough to include fate, destiny. It isn't big enough for forever, for eternity.

It is true that I sometimes feel anger, irritation, annoyance, worry, frustration, stress, exasperation, and disappointment. However, It doesn't change my affection, my desire, my trust, my caring, etc. And it would never sway my love. So I say again: Do you know Love? Maybe you do. Does Every-one? Somehow, I don't think so.

Hemmingway Challenge: 6-word story

1.) Dear God, your daughter says 'hello."
2.) Then one day the stars changed.
3.) Let me hear your battle cry.

In case you were curious, here's my battle cry:

Rawrrrrrwahyahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Books. Read them.

Old Turtle
Compass Rose, Briar Rose, and Eternal Rose by Gail Dayton
Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Braking Dawn by Stephenie Meyer
Veil of Roses
Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
Lamb; the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore
Moon Called by Patricia Briggs
Outlander by Diana Gabaldon
All the Miles Vorkosigan books by Lois McMaster Bujold
Here If You Need Me by Kate Braestrup
Catwitch