Epiphany_Beyond Words

I started saying "Beyond words/explanation/description" or "More than words/explanation/description" when I say goodbye to Luke. What I mean is I started saying "I love you __see above__." I guess it makes since because I'm a writer and words and explanation or description are very important to me. Not that I can explain or describe how I feel. At least not very well. I always feel like the English language doesn't really have enough words, or the rather, the right words. Like love. There's only the one word. 'Adore' isn't right. 'Idolize' isn't right. 'Own' isn't right. 'Fondness' isn't right. 'Devotion' isn't right. 'Affection' isn't right. 'Tenderness' isn't right. 'Caring' isn't the right word. 'Passion" isn't right. None of those words are exactly right. Nothing is exactly right. 'Forever' isn't enough of a word to encompass everything. When I say "I love you" I mean all those things, or only some of them, depending on to whom I'm speaking. How we feel about each other is all those things combined and more because each of those words alone isn't enough. I wish I could describe to you how I really feel. But I can no more describe how I feel about Luke than I can describe the feeling when I look up at a sky full of stars twinkling clear and bright and looking so close that I could touch them. We're a Venn diagram. OK, that analogy sounds absurd and silly, but there's truth to it. Don't you think so? Or do you not understand what I mean? I'm not sure I really understand what I mean. That's not the point. The point is that there is more than meets the eye to relationships. It's like fate. Or destiny. Except I'm not sure if I believe in those things. Except that I must, on some level anyway, at least partially--or believe something like it--because otherwise I wouldn't be able to feel the More. Can there be something that's More than love? There definitely needs to be a better word because I love Neth, Becky, my brothers, even Bruce (Yes, I'll admit it. I'd be horrified if something happed to him and I do care about him, much as I hate to admit it. And have never told him because the admitting it makes me uncomfortable for some reason.) I love the sky. I love books. I love writing. I love color and music and soft things and chocolate. I loved my pets. It's love, not just like in a lot of cases. Love indicates 'more than like' something. Chocolate, for instance. I wouldn't die if there was no more chocolate. I wouldn't be devastated. I'd be unhappy and I'd miss it, but that's about it. But it isn't just like. Do you see what I mean when I say there need to be more words? Which one is really love? I love Luke and my family more than chocolate. But I don't love them the same. It's a different feeling than how I feel about chocolate, that's for darn sure. But we still use the same word. That's why I say "beyond words"--because there aren't enough words. Words have to many different meanings. Especially words like love. Hence the floorboard, ceiling tile, and light switch thing. It's silly and the words don't have enough punch behind them or enough meaning behind them. Which is why I don't use them except when I'm being light-hearted, or silly, or just having fun, or whatever it is that I am when I use them. It's a joke, though, in essence they work (they just need to be different words). Maybe that's why I love languages so much; so I'll have other ways to explain things or describe things. Maybe that's why I like Athuriyn. Because English isn't enough. I can't tell people how much I love them with any of the languages I know. I can't explain how much certain people mean to me. I don't think I could say it enough. Maybe I don't feel like I can say it enough because Love doesn't cover how I feel. Because the word is to weak, it doesn't hold enough--at least not for some things. Maybe that's why I tell you so often. All I know is that whatever that word is it'd have to be very long because otherwise there'd be no way it could encompass how I feel about Luke or how big the emotion is!
Wow. I really got carried away. Went a bit overboard, didn't I. Hope you forgive me. Hope you can understand what I'm trying to say.
Well, this is definitely a lot longer than I intended it to be. I hope you made it all the way to the bottom. Hope I didn't bore you, or hurt your eyes or your mind.